It was a long and lonely stretch of road. Nothing to see but dirt and sand, no signs of civilisation in the horizon, and nothing but black tarmac behind. However, at one point on that road there sat two women. One, named Wyndy, rested in a white wicker chair, one hand stroking the Invisible Robot Fish that rested in her lap. Nearby, Sorceress sat cross legged on the ground.
"Hot day," commented Sorceress, resting her elbows on her knees and propping her chin up with her palms. Wyndy barely nodded, her eyes still staring intently down the dusty road that lay before her. Sorceress sighed, and returned to her silent meditation.
Suddenly, the peace was broken by the roar of an engine. Sorceress looked up to see a black Harley Davidson come screaming down the road. Passively, the two women watched as the rider applied the brakes, and with a barrage of dust the bike came to a halt directly in front of them.
"Excuse me," said the rider, removing his helmet. "Could you tell me where the next town is."
"Jason, Jason..." muttered Wyndy, her eyes still staring at the road.
"Well, actually, that's just the character I played on TV. My real name is Austin, Austin St. John." Austin extended his hand to Wyndy, but she still continued to stare vacantly.
"Duh, she meant Jason NARVY," said Sorceress, rolling her eyes.
"Oh," said Austin, flushing with embarrassment.
"She thinks he's going to come by here one day," Sorceress continued to explain. "Everyday we come out here, but he never comes."
"Narvy... Narvy..." Wyndy repeated again.
"I see," Austin said slowly, looking at two women cautiously. "Well, I wonder if you could tell me where the nearest town is. I'm running low on gas."
Sorceress rubbed her chin. "Well, it isn't exactly a town, but there's this place near here. The locals call it 'Alt'"
"Alt?" Austin repeated.
"Yes, Alt, Aaallllllttttttt, spelt A.L.T., Alt."
"Okay okay, I get the picture," Austin threw up his hands in defence against the verbal barrage. "How far is it?"
"Oh not far," Sorceress stood up and pointed down the road. "Go straight ahead, and you'll see a turn off called Dalnet, take it, then I recommend you take the exit called Hebron, that's the safest way to get there."
Austin replaced his helmet. "Thanks for your help," he called as he throttled the engine.
Sorceress smiled and waved as the bike sped off down the road. "Poor boy," she murmured. "Doesn't know what he's getting himself into."
Austin pulled up in front of Alt. "Not exactly a town?" he repeated, staring at the small, one story building before him. Smooth and black, it stood in stark contrast to the surrounding pale desert. Austin was tempted to pull away and try for gas further down the freeway, but he was hot, tired and thirsty. "Maybe this place has something to drink," he thought, clicking down the bike stand and climbing off. Austin walked up to the front door and confidently pushed it open.
Absolute silence greeted him. Austin looked around, his brow creased in confusion. This Alt was a lot bigger than it seemed from the outside. It stretched beyond his line of vision, the walls shrouded in darkness. Austin struggled to make out details in the dim lighting.
"You be looking lost there," said a male voice from the shadows. A light clicked on, revealing to one side a decrepit looking bar rarely seen this side of Mexico. Polishing a glass stood an equally shady looking bar tender
"Um yeah," Austin cautiously stepped closer, squinting against the sudden brightness. "My bike is running low and I was wondering if there was a..."
The bartender held up his hand, motioning for Austin to stop talking. "Have a drink first," he said, handing Austin a glass of watery looking brew. The newcomer hesitantly raised the substance, warily sniffing it as it approached his mouth.
"I said drink, damn it," the bartender snapped. Austin quickly took a gulp, nearly gagging as the taste hit his throat.
"That's better," the bartender said approvingly. "Now you said you wanted some fuel for your engine."
Austin could only nod, his mouth still recovering from the drink. He collapsed on a bar stool as the bartender snapped his fingers.
A figure emerged from the shadows, lugging a heavy item. "Yes WT?" Derik said, dropping a crate on the bar. "What do you want?"
White_Tiger held out his hand, pointedly staring at the box on his bar. With a sigh Derik pulled off the lid and handed over a sample.
White_Tiger stared coldly at Derik. "What is this?"
"An almond cookie," Derik said with a shrug. "The ammunitions shipment got delayed, so I figured we may as well start processing these."
White_Tiger studied the crumbly item. "What's the special ingredient?"
"Cyanide," replied Derik. "Double dose."
White_Tiger nodded approvingly as he handed the cookie back. "Put them in storage, but make sure they're labelled as 'enemy nutrition'. I don't want our troops being fed this stuff by mistake."
"Yes sir," Derik saluted as hefted the crate back onto his shoulder.
"And while you're there, check to see if we have any fuel for this young gentleman here," White_Tiger added with a brief nod in Austin's direction. As Derik headed off, White_Tiger returned his attention to the wide eyed newcomer. "World conquest," he offered as explanation. "You have to be prepared."
"I see," Austin managed to choke out. "You know," he stuttered, sliding away from the bar, "I should have enough gas to make it to the nearest town, so let me just pay for the beer and I'll be goin..."
His excuse was interrupted by the slamming open of the front door and an echoing cry of "AUSTIN BABY!!!!"
Mr. St. John started, dropping his beer and almost subconsciously sliding into a defense position. "Who are you," he called to the silhouetted figure in the doorway.
"Come to Kittie, Austin honey," KittieC called in a seductive tone as she strutted in.
"Um, ah, uhhh, do I know you?" Austin asked, not quite relaxing his defences as this woman slid up next to him.
"You called me darlin' once," she purred. "But you never called me back."
"I see," he replied slowly, trying to edge away from her determined advances.
KittieC pouted as she noticed his backing away. "Austin where are you going?" she asked, her voice suspicious.
"Nowhere," he lied, hastening his retreat.
"Now now Mr. St.John, there's no need to be shy." KittieC smiled, following him determinately down Alt.
Austin had had his fair share of intense fans, but as he backed away from KittieC, he was for the first time starting to fear for his life. Suddenly, the ground gave way beneath him and Austin tumbled backwards into a cold, wet, slimy mess.
"Watch out for the Jello Pool," White_Tiger called facetiously from the bar as he cleaned another glass.
Austin stood up in the pool, crossly spitting out chunks of green gelatine and wiping slime from his eye. Through his blurred vision he could see KittieC sitting coyly on the pool ledge, one leg crossed over the other.
"There's no point running," she said, eyeing her captive. "No one can escape Alt...."
One Saturday night, a few weeks later, Alt was partying as only Alt can. Kimberly_Hart was busy bopping people at random with her squeaky hammer while DrMM flew around on her rocket boots.
ShanieDyQatt, carrying a tray of drinks on one hand, walked crossly over to the backroom. "Hey Kittie, St. James..." she yelled, hammering on the door.
"It's St. JOHN," came the muffled reply.
"Yeah, whatever, your time in there is up," ShanieDyQatt said, checking her watch. "Trent wants the room now."
There was a sound of muffled giggling. ShanieDyQatt rolled her eyes and walked away.
Austin and KittieC came tumbling out of the backroom. As they sat together, giggling and tickling each other, a figure rose from the bar. With slow steps, this figure approached the vibrant couple, his face hidden in the shadows.
"Austin..." the person said.
Mr St.John looked up. "Yeah man?" he replied languidly.
The figure slowly stepped into the light. "Austin, we gotta talk about you raiding my sock drawer," said David Yost, his arms folded across his chest.
A collective gasp went through Alt, followed by complete silence. "It's the Yost," someone whispered in an awed tone. People removed their hats and bowed their heads respectfully.
"Austin, what on Earth are you doing in a place like this?" Yost asked, his brow falling into multiple creases. "It's taken me weeks to find you."
"This is my new home," Austin announced with a wave of his hand. "David, this is Alt, Alt, this is David Yost."
At the announcement of the sacred name, the residents dropped to their knees in homage.
"Alright, what is going on here?" asked David, looking around crossly.
Austin turned his head to see a figure shrouded in black enter. "You'll see," he said with a wink.
The figure slowly approached Yost, it's face and body shrouded in a black robe. With a slow hand, it removed the hood.
"ALL HAIL YOST!!!" called Rap in a mighty voice as she revealed her face, her hands raised to the sky.
"YOST YOST YOST" chanted the residents of Alt in unison.
"So David..." said Austin, his arm still lazily wrapped around KittieC, "How does it feel to be a deity?"
"I don't know what you are tripping on...." said Yost, his voice shaking, "But I'm outta here."
"I'm sorry oh mighty one," said Rap, grabbing him by the sleeve, "But you can not leave."
"Sorry bud," said Austin as he took in David's panic stricken face, "But don't worry. You'll learn to like it here... in time."
"But, but... what do you want with me?" the now frightened Yost asked.
"Go to the sacrificial alter," Rap said, grinning evilly as she started rounding up some willing virgin sacrifices....
Sorceress sighed. It was another hot day and she would have been much happier resting in some shade. But, united by sisterhood, she sat, waiting for Narvy with Wyndy.
"Jason... Jason...." Wyndy muttered as someone approached in a red Jeep. Sorceress blinked, gasped, then grinned as she reached for her mobile phone.
"Hey guys... guess who's coming to Alt," she said as Mr Jason David Frank drove past.
The End.... or is it? ;)
Note from author: if you made it to the end... well done. You know where to find me if you have complaints or comments, but please keep any death threats down to a minimum :-) This story is dedicated to the late night crew in #alt-mmpr, especially Mitsou, my editor and Australian-American translator. Peace, love and Praise be to Frank guys ;-)